myhotCaffeine: Blog

Part With it, Start Again: What makes today different? Why do I feel as if I can take on the...

zeenie:

What makes today different? Why do I feel as if I can take on the world, as if everything I do actually means something? Can I hold on to this feeling? I enjoy this power, this strength, this confidence. I feel hopeful and ready. Maybe it’s because of these talks we’ve had. You’ve told me that you’re happier now and that you like hearing my voice. We talk for hours and I trust so blindly, so naively. I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Still, I feel as if I owe something to you. I don’t want to be like the others who have passed in and out of your life; scathing, vengeful, neglectful, cruel. You caught me at such an odd time in my life. I never anticipated anything like you. I could laugh at myself for being so stupid sometimes. I just love the companionship. No one has ever offered their true thoughts so freely, so intelligently, so selflessly and realistically. It’s such a strange dynamic that we’ve got going on. You’re not like most people: I’m never annoyed or anxious when we talk, we just talk and talk until outside circumstances pull us away. It’s not often at all that I can talk with someone in such a way. I’ve got my faults and you have yours, but I feel no need to hide with you. All my cards are out. Again, I can’t make anything permanent. I’m about to leave this place and start anew, and I know that everything will change. I’m being pulled in all different directions right now. But then there’s you, who’ll share stories and words and thoughts with me, and everything evens out. I have no intention to mess with your head, please don’t think that. You’re talented and intelligent and an amazing person, I wish you’d see that more often. I’ll keep writing stories and I hope you keep listening. These talks have given me a purpose and happiness that’s hard to explain with words, and I couldn’t thank you enough for them.